I can't even make this $h!t up....

Often times, when listening to someone else tell a story, it's funnier to have been there.  I hope this is not one of those times for you.

LL and I had this bright idea to take Keith on a wine tour yesterday because, well, who doesn't like a wine tour?!  (With almost 200 wineries in VA, there is plenty of drunk fun to be had by all)  Until I start playing the lottery and hit my millions, we were working on a budget.  This meant hiring Nate* (*who's name has not been changed because I don't care much about his privacy)  He's a new entrepreneur in the wine tour business, was very engaging, had a sense of humor and had a background/connections in the area wine industry.  Meet us on the historic downtown mall, pile us all into an air-conditioned van, 3 wineries of our choosing and then give us complimentary food, beverages, a t-shirt and a gift bag for $30/person?  Score!

Here's how our afternoon ended up going:

LL, Keith, B and I were picked up at the mini-mall outside Red Robin by a timid, slightly embarrassed woman.  She informed us that she'd been coerced by her boyfriend into helping Nate out because he'd overbooked the tours for the day (Strike #1)  She then led us to our chariot...and by chariot I mean a '98 Ford Taurus with one hubcap, one non-working passenger door, peeling paint and a nasty chocolate-looking stain on the backseat (Strike #2....and maybe #3 too)  I'll stop you before you even ask: she had left a jacket of hers on the backseat and that became the barrier between our asses and the unknown brown substance.

On the ride to the first winery, our timid "tour guide" turn into a NASCAR driver while she shuffled through printed maps to our destinations. (Strike #4) She admitted that she had no idea where we were going, asked B to help her navigate and informed us that she doesn't even like wine. (Strike #5)  LL and I, packed like sardines in the backseat, were giggling like schoolgirls by this time.  Keith had the "oh shit" bar firmly in his grip and B couldn't even crack a smile.  Get these boys some wine!  We survived the first leg and arrived at winery #1.

I'm going to exclude descriptions of the wineries because that's really not the funny part of the story :)

The trip to the next winery was short and dangerous, just what we'd come to know and love, involving only one almost collision and only a few sharp turns with excessive speeds.  When we asked little miss NASCAR what was included in the complimentary (read: $30) lunch, she said, with a little chuckle, that Nate's planned lunch for us (four full grown adults) was Lunchables and applesauce.  Yes, that fake meat, sodium laden, processed kindergarten lunch food and a cup of mutilated apples.  (Strike #6-199)

Thank goodness winery #2 sold food.  No more descriptions, I digress....

En route to winery #3 there was a U-turn and only one near death experience when our NASCAR tour guide didn't see a line of stopped cars. (But thank goodness B and Keith did and spoke up!)  By this time, it was getting REAL hard to hold in the laughter between LL and I.  Our driver opened up and we found out she's a single mom who doesn't like to work on weekends so she can spend time with her son (which explains the unknown brown substance).  (This Strike #200 is specially reserved for Nate)  We told her to take the Lunchables home to her son and she said she doesn't even feed him those.  Ha!

The rest of the ride wasn't any different/better than we had previously experienced.  When we were dropped off, we saw the Lunchables were out of the cooler sitting in the trunk....yeah, lets feed those to the garbage can instead.  Plus there were no gift bags or t-shirts for us!  I'll make the disclaimer here that I really couldn't care less about another t-shirt to put in my Goodwill pile but when you pay $30/person and get....what we got....I want my f*ing t-shirt!

That was quite possibly most hilarious experience of my life, thus far.  I have new ab muscles from those 2.5 hours.  Don't misinterpret though, Nate will be getting a harshly worded phone call from us.  I mean, who runs a business like that?!  We won't be using him again until....maybe ever......but ahhh the memories :)

Come On, Irene!

So unless you lived under a rock, you knew all about Hurricane Irene and her anticipated wrath.  For days they were preparing us with emails, news reports, etc. etc. and pretty much making me feel like Armageddon was coming.  Being that hurricanes are unpredictable in path, there was a chance that we weren't going to get much way over here in Cville, but that didn't stop droves of shoppers from clogging the grocery stores and local establishments from offering hurricane drink specials.

Initially, they were telling us 40mph winds and approx .76" of rain around these parts.  Checking out the picture below though, tells a different story.  Either way, LL and I planned ahead by stocking our liquor cabinet and collecting batteries....that's was about it.  Our friend Keith is in town for the week so we were sorta looking forward to being stuck inside, actually!

Here's how our day/night went:  cloud cover on Saturday morning was a sure sign Irene was rearing her ugly head.  Light, sporadic rain showers started by around noon, cancelling our plans to visit the farmers market.  Heavier rains came in a little sideways around the time we were buying chocolaty goodness from the bakery but were all done by the time we were done with our pedicures.  Light rain showers with a little wind escorted us to Mas where we had a DELICIOUS dinner of tapas and martinis, followed with goat cheese cheesecake.  Y-U-M.  It was pretty still and only slightly drizzly when we moved on to Beer Run where I actually drank a beer!  I know, shocking.  By the time we were on our way home, there was no rain, barely any wind and I gotta say, I was a little disappointed.  I woke up this morning to blue skies and sunshine.  I couldn't believe it, blue skies and sunshine!  I was all excited for some hurricane action over in these here parts and I got nothin'!

Now, I do realize many closer to the coast were hit hard and are dealing with some damages so I'm not trying to trivialize their dilemmas.  I'm a big storm junkie and just wanted to say I experienced a hurricane, since ever so recently I checked off "earthquake" on my list of things to do before I die.

Here's a couple pictures for your viewing pleasure:

LL, Keith, Me and B at Mas, the areas best tapas restaurant and one of my favorite places to eat










The GME crew, back together again!  Reunited and it feels so good.....