Attempt: Sesame Quinoa Spring Rolls

So I was riffling through my cupboards the other day and came across an old box of quinoa (non-perishable, stop freaking out) and decided to cook it...all.  A mere two cups of dry quinoa turned into four heaping cups of cooked quinoa.  I never learn.  So I'd been searching for yummy recipes for this otherwise pretty much tasteless, pseudo rice-ish 'grain'.  I consulted with my old friend, Google, and then decided to come back to my new bff, Pinterest.  I'm a Pinterest junkie.  I've owned some of my trusty cookbooks for a decade or more, print and copy countless delicious recipes into binders and am always taking note of the flavorful combinations in my meals when I eat out.  What do I do now when I want to cook?  Consult Pinterest. *sigh*

Here's the picture I found that convinced me to spend 45 minutes of my life in the kitchen...after a long day at work, a trip to the gym and a jaunt into the grocery store:

Mmmmmmm....

Quinoa sesame spring rolls sound perfectly delightful, don't they?!  I had some leftover spring roll wrappers (a.k.a. rice paper) from awhile ago....also non-perishable, stop judging!...so I thought this could be great.  I mixed the dressing, tossed the lettuce, incorporated the quinoa, wet down the rice paper, wrapped the mixture aaaaand....voila!

Check out my classy Dixie plate :)

Ummmm...gross.  They were slightly soggy, wet noodly, juicy blobs that barely stayed together and fell apart as soon as you bit into them.  The flavor was sesame, sort of, but it was more soy sauce than anything else.  The lettuce added that little bit of crunch that wasn't refreshing but more of an "oops, did I spill sand in this wrap?"

I fed myself at lunch for a couple of days and also force-fed them to LL and one of her co-workers.  I don't think I'll be invited to their company picnic.

If you're a better cook than I am...just to be clear, a baby is a better cook than I am...and you're feeling challenged, here is the original recipe: http://thehealthyhavenblog.com/2012/06/11/sesame-quinoa-spring-rolls

P.S.A. from your Dental Hygienist

I'm a dental hygienist.  My job is not only physically demanding but it is emotionally draining so this is a Public Service Announcement.  If you're feeling offended, build a bridge and get over it.

When your hygienist asks you why you haven't been flossing, these are not acceptable excuses: "I've been really busy" or "I never have time".  Really?  You have time to brush but not an extra minute to floss? Did you know there are 1,440 minutes in a day?  Brushing should take two of those minutes and flossing only one.  That's three minutes, people! Sheesh.

When your hygienist asks you to open, that means open your mouth as wide as you can and keep it open.  That doesn't mean open slightly and then proceed to slowly close back down and that doesn't mean open only wide enough for our dental mirror to enter.  How do you eat a hamburger with that mail slit of an opening?!

When your hygienist lays you back to begin working and you put up a fit because you feel like you're going to slide out of the chair, here's a news flash: we don't care.  We have to spend eight hours of our day contorting our bodies to make sure we can adequately see into your dark cave of a mouth and if laying you back all the way is how we can accomplish that, then it's happening.  Besides, we're tipping you back into a reclined position, if you can't go back like that, how in the world do you sleep on your flat bed all night?

When you arrive to your dental hygiene appointment and have not brushed your teeth (hopefully that is not a daily occurrence) I can guarantee your cleaning is going to last longer than it should.  I realize that you don't clean the house before the maid comes but the maid isn't scraping around your soft, squishy mouth with sharp instruments.  Do yourself a favor, brush like your life depended on it.

When your dental hygienist is using instruments that involve water and we ask that you breath through your nose to avoid fluid inhalation, close your throat and breathe through your nose!!  This is an anatomical bonus God gave us during creation, I know you can do it!  You can't breathe underwater, don't kid yourself.

And finally, for the love of all things holy, STOP reading the exaggerated *crap* that's posted by random individuals regarding fluoride and dental x-rays!  Just stop reading in entirely.  It's not scientific.  It's not correct.  It's crap and it was probably written by your crazy next-door-neighbor who knows nothing about anything and most definitely did not go to dental school, did not reference the published, legitimate research journals and more than likely does not have adequate oral health but has convinced themselves that if they drink a green juice every morning and 'pray about it', they won't get cavities.  Oh please.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from your dental hygienist....or at least a dental hygienist who may be unofficially speaking on behalf of all practicing dental hygienists....well, all except those who are Mother Theresa incarnate but I think they're just robots posing as real clinicians.

We go home covered in your spit and splatter nastiness just so you can have a better smile.

Your welcome.

It's 2013, Happy New Blog!

It's a new year and I need a creative outlet so...I'm baaaack!  I didn't want to abandon the old blog, you know, like my parents abandoned me in 2001 so they could retire half a country away (just kidding, Ma!) but the blog needed a fresh re-start.  I saved some of the old posts that I thought could get a good chuckle at least....check 'em out if you're bored or need something to put you to sleep ;)

Blog #1 was only about updating friends and family...well, that got boring for us all.  Now it's Blog #2 and I just wanna talk about $h!t, tell bad jokes, share my (possibly unwelcome) opinions and post about things I like.  I don't even know yet but it's my blog so I'll cry if I want to.

One story about New Years and then I'll let you go...I know, hooray!

So this year B, and one of his friends and I decided to go out in D.C. for New Years.  We found a bar that had live music and we'd been there before and knew the crowd - not at all trendy and even encroaching on goth - so we figured it'd be a decent 'win'.  After arriving and discovering that the live band was a swing band, I knew this was not going to be an epic sort of evening.  Long story short (collective sigh), it wasn't.  Award for most funny: the coat check line was (seriously) 50 people long so we hung our coats on the wall...nope, not kidding:

The band was good but I was wearing sky high heels and was with two avid non-dancers; that's a no-go for the dance floor.  The NYE countdown was anticlimactic when the lead singer counted down from 10 on the microphone but there were no TVs around to actually watch the ball drop.  I saw a *really* drunk girl slip on her ass and whack her head on the concrete floor...I'll never get that sound out of my head...and those sky high heels were totally rejecting me on the walk home (but I'm not dumb enough to wander the streets of D.C. with no shoes on so I swear I lost a pinkie toe somewhere back on U Street).  To add insult to injury, even after a really valiant effort, I barely even had a buzz.  My 2013 New Years resolution is to have a better New Years experience next year.  Time Square, anyone??