I have this ongoing mental list of things I'd like to do before I die...morbid, I know...and it includes experiences like: hot-air balloon ride, see the Grand Canyon, go to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Ok, that last one was only added because I'm dating someone that knows someone that got a press pass once and I'm crossing my fingers the budget cuts don't prevent him from getting a press pass again because I've already secured my spot as his date!! I digress.
So about a month ago I had the joy of crossing an item off my bucket list: Go to Medieval Times. Ever heard of it? No?? Well, it's a large indoor arena where the audience is treated like lords and ladies watching a jousting tournament, eating dinner with no utensils and going along with the general merriment. It's outstanding. If you have kids, bring them. If you don't, bring a friend. Oh and just in case you were worried, they have a full cash bar. Cha-ching!
So the following pictures are from the evening's "games". I can't decide if it was the company I was with, the bottle of wine I had or the general splendor that made this such a magical experience but I'd like to think it was a little of everything ;)
When they dimmed the lights, I couldn't tell who was cheering loudest, the kids everywhere or me.
Yes, I was *that* excited.
They started with a cute intro of how horse + man came to be. Such talented horses!!
There was a bunch of annoying interruptions from the lame "King and Princess".
Less bad British accents, more entertainment of the equine kind, people!
I think this was the bad guy. We booed. I may have been a little over enthusiastic with that.
Then they split the arena audience into "lands" and assigned us all a knight for the tournament.
Ours was the red knight, who we affectionately called Some-Dude-From-Baltimore-Who-Was-Clearly-Of-Asian-Descent.
This was our server boy, Joe (and Red Knight photo-bombing).
The kid had clearly partied a bit too hard the night before and subsequently lost his voice.
What came out was more like pre-pubescent squeaks. It was classic.
There was some good old-fashioned, medieval smack talking.
Then they all lined up and pair by pair, faux-jousted! For real (not)!
Red Knight was kind-of a Bad-ass!
We cheered. A lot. Drunkenly.
There was a final faux-duel on foot to determine the official champion of the tournament. It's like the WWE of the jousting world.
Red Knight won!!
I went Medieval and all I got was this stinkin' blog.
It was all pretty wicked. I hope you get a chance to go sometime, really. It's hella expensive but worth every penny and most people will probably only go once. I mean really, how many times can you watch faux-duels and drink too much wine?? Wait, I want to do that all the time. Lets buy some more tickets!
For those of you who don't know, I am now in the 30-35 category of demographics, as I turned 30*something* last September. Since I moved to Charlottesville, I've been noticing how old I've been feeling and I'm getting concerned. (Now, I'm sure some of you will gripe because I shouldn't be talking about being 'old' and being 30-ish in the same sentence but my 10-year-old self would disagree. I have now lived what could be argued as 'a lifetime'. People could say, "She had a good life," because I'm old enough to have made a life! *sigh* Well that's just a depressing thought. I digress.)
Almost 9 years later, my job as a dental hygienist has finally started taking it's toll on my body. Hunching over patients all day leaves me physically exhausted, my trapezius muscles are hard as rocks, my neck is chronically pissed off and my elbow/wrist inflammation is in a constant state of awareness. I believe in prevention (prevention is my career, is it not?) so I've even visited a Chiropractor regularly for the better part of 8 years trying to avoid this fate....I think I would've been dead in the water by now if I hadn't. Ps- Have you hugged your hygienist today??
So on top of the neck problems, I've acquired back problems from learning how to golf (I try to smack the ball like Phil Mickelson but even if you got him drunk as a skunk, blindfolded him and made him use a stick instead of a golf club, he'd still hit the ball WAY better than me), and when I work out at the gym (I try for 4x a week) my joints definitely do not work like they used to....cue: Glucosamine/Chondroitin auto-refill plan? I mean, what gives??
I've also been realizing how much I grunt/groan every time I get up from laying, sitting, driving, etc. Not just a little grunt, mind you, it's like a hippopotamus just surfaced from the water and hoisted itself up an embankment onto dry land. I can't seem to help myself! I swear groaning helps in the 'getting up' process. I could be wrong.
Recently, I discovered the beauty of the....wait for it.....wait for it....heating pad. It has seriously done wonders for my muscle's relaxation. Sad, right? I actually waited forever to buy one because I thought they were expensive (I'm not cheap, I'm just frugal) until I glanced at them at Wally World and saw one for $11. MINE!
That same weekend, my roommate came home from a shopping spree at a fancy lingerie store to find me sitting in my bed, on my heating pad, like a hospital patient....and this has become a regular ritual of mine ever since. I'm 30*something*, going on 95. Yep, just call me Grandma. :-/
I just received the coolest package I think I've ever gotten. Here's just little (ok, long) back story...
First of all, I try to practice humility in all aspects of my life (yes, yes, sometimes that's way easier said than done), especially regarding volunteerism. I don't choose to do things for others to win accolades from anyone, in spite of this blog post. I know if I want to lump myself onto Santa's 'good' list, then giving of yourself is just something you do. For no other reason than that. That said, finding organizations that align with things you already enjoy doing or hold dear in some way, make the perfect places to volunteer your talents. I happen to have had multiple connections with the military over the better part of my life and have a very high reverence for those individuals who choose that life of service, for whatever reason they so desire. That said, I found the organization AAUSS (Adopt A US Soldier)....and the story begins.
It's a fantastic, non-profit organization that, through whatever means, aligns individuals in the states with a service member deployed overseas. You can request a man or woman, if you have a preference, or a whole unit if you have a large group of people wanting to contribute together. Basically, you provide your support, through whatever means you have, to create a little bright spot in the day of a service member who may or may not otherwise be receiving anything from friends/family. I was given the email and postal address of a Sargent in Afghanistan named Chris. He, and his unit, did receive stuff from friends and family in the states but when you're over fighting for your country, there's no such thing as too much support.
I started by emailing him, asking him if he needed/wanted anything and just making some small talk to see what he might enjoy. After a few weeks, I put together a care package with mostly random goodies I picked up at the grocery store and the Dollar Store...I mean, I'm not made of money here. I also included lots of toothbrushes, toothpaste and mouthwash. Gimme a break, I'm a dental hygienist for pete's sake! (The USPS gives you a small discount on their flat rate boxes for sending to APO/AE addresses, FYI) After he received it and said he loved it, he also said that he shared a lot of it with his unit buddies, as they all do for each other.
Box #2 was similar random goodness, like the first box, and I was told that his friends grabbed most of it for themselves, leaving him with one box of hot chocolate and a DVD disc I burned the HBO series Game Of Thrones on. Well in my world, that's all I'd need to turn a bad day into a good day anyway! :)
The third box was right before Christmas and I filled it to the brim with homemade goodies - careful to not include anything that could melt (deserts get hot, who knew?) or get nasty before it would arrive in two weeks (nope, I did not put green fuzz decorations on those Peanut Butter Blossoms) and sealing everything as air tight as I could get it. I lined the inside of the box with wrapping paper so it would feel like Christmas in some small way. Again, from the sounds of it, sharing was the order of the day. Never did hear if anything had spoiled but, lets be honest, those dudes probably just ate everything without a second thought.
Then Chris told me that he had something for me and was going to send it out soon! Let me just tell you, that was an anxious wait. Where could someone over in Afghanistan possibly have gotten a gift, anyway? I was imagining opening a box of sand or pulling out a dirty boot. Yeah, I have an active imagination. Then, today, MY BOX ARRIVED! I was so excited/nervous/curious that I could barely contain myself. Here's the moment you've all been waiting for, the contents of the box:
The complete (Season 1-6) How I Met Your Mother sitcom series on DVD (I had mentioned in an email how much I LOVED that show) and, possibly the coolest gift I've ever received, an American flag with a certificate stating that the flag had flown on a helicopter during a combat mission on January 13th, 2013. Amazeballs. The certificate is signed by my soldier, Chris, who was the co-pilot! Indescribably awesome.
I never went into this thinking that I'd be given anything in return, in fact, the AAUSS website warns that some soldiers are out on missions frequently and are unable to respond to emails or send letters of thanks, you just have to have faith that they're receiving your support. I just got lucky.
That's the thing about all this (and giving back in general) it's not about you receiving anything at all, it's the Lord working through you to earn the blessed life you've been given; and when you're at your most selfless, you end up receiving a lot more in return.
So I was riffling through my cupboards the other day and came across an old box of quinoa (non-perishable, stop freaking out) and decided to cook it...all. A mere two cups of dry quinoa turned into four heaping cups of cooked quinoa. I never learn. So I'd been searching for yummy recipes for this otherwise pretty much tasteless, pseudo rice-ish 'grain'. I consulted with my old friend, Google, and then decided to come back to my new bff, Pinterest. I'm a Pinterest junkie. I've owned some of my trusty cookbooks for a decade or more, print and copy countless delicious recipes into binders and am always taking note of the flavorful combinations in my meals when I eat out. What do I do now when I want to cook? Consult Pinterest. *sigh*
Here's the picture I found that convinced me to spend 45 minutes of my life in the kitchen...after a long day at work, a trip to the gym and a jaunt into the grocery store:
Mmmmmmm....
Quinoa sesame spring rolls sound perfectly delightful, don't they?! I had some leftover spring roll wrappers (a.k.a. rice paper) from awhile ago....also non-perishable, stop judging!...so I thought this could be great. I mixed the dressing, tossed the lettuce, incorporated the quinoa, wet down the rice paper, wrapped the mixture aaaaand....voila!
Check out my classy Dixie plate :)
Ummmm...gross. They were slightly soggy, wet noodly, juicy blobs that barely stayed together and fell apart as soon as you bit into them. The flavor was sesame, sort of, but it was more soy sauce than anything else. The lettuce added that little bit of crunch that wasn't refreshing but more of an "oops, did I spill sand in this wrap?"
I fed myself at lunch for a couple of days and also force-fed them to LL and one of her co-workers. I don't think I'll be invited to their company picnic.
If you're a better cook than I am...just to be clear, a baby is a better cook than I am...and you're feeling challenged, here is the original recipe: http://thehealthyhavenblog.com/2012/06/11/sesame-quinoa-spring-rolls
I'm a dental hygienist. My job is not only physically demanding but it is emotionally draining so this is a Public Service Announcement. If you're feeling offended, build a bridge and get over it.
When your hygienist asks you why you haven't been flossing, these are not acceptable excuses: "I've been really busy" or "I never have time". Really? You have time to brush but not an extra minute to floss? Did you know there are 1,440 minutes in a day? Brushing should take two of those minutes and flossing only one. That's three minutes, people! Sheesh.
When your hygienist asks you to open, that means open your mouth as wide as you can and keep it open. That doesn't mean open slightly and then proceed to slowly close back down and that doesn't mean open only wide enough for our dental mirror to enter. How do you eat a hamburger with that mail slit of an opening?!
When your hygienist lays you back to begin working and you put up a fit because you feel like you're going to slide out of the chair, here's a news flash: we don't care. We have to spend eight hours of our day contorting our bodies to make sure we can adequately see into your dark cave of a mouth and if laying you back all the way is how we can accomplish that, then it's happening. Besides, we're tipping you back into a reclined position, if you can't go back like that, how in the world do you sleep on your flat bed all night?
When you arrive to your dental hygiene appointment and have not brushed your teeth (hopefully that is not a daily occurrence) I can guarantee your cleaning is going to last longer than it should. I realize that you don't clean the house before the maid comes but the maid isn't scraping around your soft, squishy mouth with sharp instruments. Do yourself a favor, brush like your life depended on it.
When your dental hygienist is using instruments that involve water and we ask that you breath through your nose to avoid fluid inhalation, close your throat and breathe through your nose!! This is an anatomical bonus God gave us during creation, I know you can do it! You can't breathe underwater, don't kid yourself.
And finally, for the love of all things holy, STOP reading the exaggerated *crap* that's posted by random individuals regarding fluoride and dental x-rays! Just stop reading in entirely. It's not scientific. It's not correct. It's crap and it was probably written by your crazy next-door-neighbor who knows nothing about anything and most definitely did not go to dental school, did not reference the published, legitimate research journals and more than likely does not have adequate oral health but has convinced themselves that if they drink a green juice every morning and 'pray about it', they won't get cavities. Oh please.
This has been a Public Service Announcement from your dental hygienist....or at least a dental hygienist who may be unofficially speaking on behalf of all practicing dental hygienists....well, all except those who are Mother Theresa incarnate but I think they're just robots posing as real clinicians.
We go home covered in your spit and splatter nastiness just so you can have a better smile.
It's a new year and I need a creative outlet so...I'm baaaack! I didn't want to abandon the old blog, you know, like my parents abandoned me in 2001 so they could retire half a country away (just kidding, Ma!) but the blog needed a fresh re-start. I saved some of the old posts that I thought could get a good chuckle at least....check 'em out if you're bored or need something to put you to sleep ;)
Blog #1 was only about updating friends and family...well, that got boring for us all. Now it's Blog #2 and I just wanna talk about $h!t, tell bad jokes, share my (possibly unwelcome) opinions and post about things I like. I don't even know yet but it's my blog so I'll cry if I want to.
One story about New Years and then I'll let you go...I know, hooray!
So this year B, and one of his friends and I decided to go out in D.C. for New Years. We found a bar that had live music and we'd been there before and knew the crowd - not at all trendy and even encroaching on goth - so we figured it'd be a decent 'win'. After arriving and discovering that the live band was a swing band, I knew this was not going to be an epic sort of evening. Long story short (collective sigh), it wasn't. Award for most funny: the coat check line was (seriously) 50 people long so we hung our coats on the wall...nope, not kidding:
The band was good but I was wearing sky high heels and was with two avid non-dancers; that's a no-go for the dance floor. The NYE countdown was anticlimactic when the lead singer counted down from 10 on the microphone but there were no TVs around to actually watch the ball drop. I saw a *really* drunk girl slip on her ass and whack her head on the concrete floor...I'll never get that sound out of my head...and those sky high heels were totally rejecting me on the walk home (but I'm not dumb enough to wander the streets of D.C. with no shoes on so I swear I lost a pinkie toe somewhere back on U Street). To add insult to injury, even after a really valiant effort, I barely even had a buzz. My 2013 New Years resolution is to have a better New Years experience next year. Time Square, anyone??
No, not the reality show on MTV...A&E...TLC...whatever cable channel I don't receive because LL and I are too cheap and/or would rather watch "TV" on our computers. I need an intervention, and not because I love me a few dirty martinis and 20lbs of dried Michigan cherries every night of the week. It's because I am recently obsessed with a serial killer and a magical world full of wizards. I know, right?!
I've been catching up on all 6 seasons of Dexter, a Showtime series about a serial killer, on my computer and listening to the Harry Potter (HP) books on CD while driving, pretty much day and night and with all my free time. Apparently I have no life. Here's a typical day of mine to illustrate my point:
6am...wake up, get ready for work, start an episode of Dexter while eating breakfast
7am...drive 45 minutes to Staunton for work and listen to HP(I'm currently on book 5 of 7)
8am-1pm...work, thinking about what's going to happen next in Dexter
1pm-2pm...lunch, watch more Dexter. If I get in the car to run an errand, I listen to more HP
2pm-5pm...work, and get excited to get back in the car to listen to more HP
5pm...drive home 45 minutes and listen to HP
6pm-7pm...gym, when music is not cutting it I'll listen to HP, although it's not the most motivating for the gym
8pm...eat dinner while watching more Dexter
10pm...decide I'm going to go to sleep but usually end up watching more Dexter instead
11pm...typically need to force myself to go to sleep
I'm totally not even kidding. This is a typical day for me, minus the weekends. On weekends I don't listen to as much HP (and begin going through withdrawals) and watch less Dexter so I can try to catch up on my other interests, albeit few.
I've recently found another obsession to fill in any extra time I have in my day, i.e. when I don't have time to watch at least five minutes of Dexter or when I'm not driving in the car. It's called Pinterest. It's amazing. It's basically a personal online bulletin board of cool crap, sort of. Each person has a "board" that they fill (pin) with pictures of things they like from the internet so everyone else can see. They could be pictures of anything: art, home, recipes, crafts, men, clothes, home decor, etc etc. Basically, if you're not adding random stuff to your own boards, you're perusing/stalking other peoples boards to find out what they like so you can be best friends and live happily ever after. Ok, not that last part. If someone clicks on your "pinned" object, it will direct them to the original website where they can get more information about the object/project/recipe/etc. It's a very...unique...concept but once you start pinning things to your boards, and finding out what everyone else is into, it becomes really addicting.
For me, my favorite parts are collecting recipes for food I'll NEVER make and finding craft projects that I may or may not start but will for sure NEVER finish. Here are some examples of pictures I've pinned to my boards:
I'd love to eat this chocolate peanut butter deliciousness so I could die and go straight to heaven
I LOVE maps and I'd especially love to make art out of the states I also love!
Tell me you don't think this is wicked cool!
Bottle cap coasters. Awesome.
Clever. That's all I got.
Quick, I need someone to have a baby so I can make this as a dish for the shower!
Yes, I will be making these soon and with LOTS of sprinkles.
Hello, my name is Nicole and I am a victim of pinsomnia
A flower made from a map! Ah-mazing.
Lamp shade decorated with strips of old bed sheets. Next time I need a lamp shade....
Wall art from stretched canvas and fabric/paper scraps. Probably a whole $5 from a craft store. Genius!
Hahahahhaha
I think it's dirty to think inappropriate thoughts about young men at my age.....but I just can't help myself.
Team Tebow!
I KNEW it!
The green necklace/scarf is made from strips of old t-shirt. I already have my t-shirt picked out!
Welcome to my humble abode *hiccup*
It's a great website, you should check it out: www.pinterest.com.
So maybe I don't have a lot going on these days but I am now well versed in craft projects 101, how to kill and dispose of a body properly, the perfect side dish for the Superbowl party, and how to make something invisible with a disillusionment charm. So there.
So my roommate, LL, has collected mismatched pottery for a number of years. We use the crap out of it in our apartment and man that stuff is durable! I'm typically the person who will break a glass or two per month so when I first started using her pottery (it's our daily plate/bowl/mug collection) I treated it like a newborn lamb. Now I throw it in the dishwasher, drop it in the sink and hit it against it's neighbors in the shelves quite often. She's always said it was meant to be used and if it breaks, oh well. Whatever, I've given three of her dinner plates to her as gifts so if I break something, I earned the right.
This shared (new for me) love of pottery found us both in a pottery class this fall through the local public schools. This was actually LLs second class and her goal for the end of the class was to have a few plates we could add to our collection (and a bunch of random pieces that make killer Christmas presents). My goal? To make a couple of pasta bowls for B's Florida friends that we recently visited. That's it. Two pasta bowls. Simple enough.
I quickly discovered that pottery and dental hygiene cannot exist in the same place (WAY too much stress on the same muscles and tendons and it took about three days to recover after every class) and that I definitely should not quit my day job. It should be noted that I am very critical with my art...Type-A perfectionist, blah blah blah ( LL reminded me of this approximately 34 times during our short 8 weeks). Here are my creations....er, accidents...in order from "Most Likely to Succeed" to "Take It Out Back and Shoot It":
"Manhoover" When this bowl is set in your palm , your thumb can rest in the indentation, allowing adequate manhoovering of food. This is my fave, note the Ginkgo leaf embellishment :) Still, it was supposed to be a pasta bowl.
"Nubbins" This is a tiny little bowl with two swirly nubbins, a.k.a. handles, on either end. Purely decorative in nature, a.k.a. totally useless.
"Desperate Housewives" This is my Bree bowl (get it?? haha), even though I hate Brie cheese. I asked the clay to be a pasta bowl and this is what it chose instead. Clearly a blind person was choosing the glaze because it turned out like an ugly speckled Amazon tree frog.
"Tie-Dye-Esque" See the pink and turquoise swirls? That's really the only redeeming quality of this uber small bowl. I like how the glaze turned out though so I'll let it live another day.
"Salvaged" I added the swirls on the sides because otherwise this was just one damn ugly cylinder. This was the second piece I made, one of two cylinders that were supposed to be mugs but turned into pencil holders. Parents like pencil holders for Christmas, right? It's like kindergarten art class all over again, except I'm old enough to know if they think it's crap and are just trying not to hurt my feelings.
"Shrek" This completely useless small bowl was supposed to be pink with green but the pink is hiding so instead it just looks like some kid with Bird Flu sneezed on it. I'm pretty sure it's not even sitting upright. Goodwill, anyone?
"Penny" This little penny (and not in a shiny new penny kind of way, in a dirty New York subway penny kind of way) was supposed to be rust with a pretty magenta over-glaze. Well, it just looks like rust. This was also an attempt at a pasta bowl, believe it or not.
"Homeless" This dirty-looking espresso mug monstrosity was actually praised by my pottery instructor. Clearly she was just trying to make me feel better about it. This little-mug-that-could looks like it was jumped by a gang and left in the ditch to die. Maybe if I sell this espresso mug creation to Starsux, I could be a millionaire! Or maybe not.
"Yankee" And last, but definitely ugliest, is my second pencil holder (which was also supposed to be a mug). This was a gift for B and since he loves the Yankees...don't judge...I was going to glaze it white and have blue dripping down the top....you know, what Jeter looks like when he bleeds. Well, some A-hole switched the lids on the glaze buckets and this piece was an unfortunate victim. It would've been a great gift, instead it looks like a half-toasted marshmallow. You're supposed to turn the stick for even roasting, fool!
So I think at last count I should've had three coffee mugs, three pasta bowls and three cereal bowls. Instead, I have two pencil holders, one Brie dish, one espresso mug, one cereal bowl, and four useless small bowls. Yeah, definitely not quitting my day job. One bright spot: LL got us a couple large plates and even a couple small plates to add to the collection! Huzzah!
So about a month ago, I started getting restless in Cville....sounds like a dating ad pen name. I started looking into starting a pet sitting business but, lets face it, when you're gone every other weekend that's not really going to fly. I thought about what it was that I did in Minnie to occupy my time and realized I actually had a LIFE there so that't what I decided I needed here. I needed to meet new people, one can't rely on one's roommate's friends for all things social (although I have had LOTS of fun with them these last 6 months!).
Enter: my co-worker and her purse party. Not just any purse party, a Thirty-One party. Let me explain what this is, for those of you (most of you) who don't know. Thirty-One sells purses, totes, organizational products and accessories in all sorts of cute patterns. I couldn't decide what I wanted out of the catalog so I signed up to be a consultant and figured I'd just buy myself the stuff at a discount! One month later, I'm hook, line and sinker. Call me a sucker.
Anywho, so I decided that I couldn't just leave well enough alone and carry on my merry little way hawking purses, I needed to go big or go home so I signed up for a craft show. Not any craft show but an all weekend long show, in a busy VA city. When I wasn't shopping and planning for my booth set-up, I was designing the shit out of marketing documents on Publisher. I purchased cash-and-carry items to offer, had a Christmas tree set up with small items for stocking stuffers, a drawing for a gift card, a banner made with my logo/info, gift bags put together to present as ideas for products, and the list goes on. Be amazed, be very amazed.
Show went well, got very little sleep all weekend, sold about half my cash-and-carry, placed a good order (and gave myself the free hostess benefits...wheee) and learned a lot about what people want and what draws them in or turns them off. I ended up breaking even (which was my only goal, I had no other expectations) but I met a bunch of great women and hopefully, great return customers.
The show itself was pretty wicked. When I was a little girl, my mom used to drag me to craft shows often. It was there that I think I developed my love of window shopping and all things shiny. It was not uncommon to hear "Nicole!", "Nicole!" about every 10 minutes, as I would wander off. I loved touching things (even the breakable stuff) and spending WAY too much time studying the offerings. Well, craft shows have come a long way, my friends. They are no longer fake floral arrangements, knock-off Zubaz, ugly jewelry or knit and crocheted....well, everything. There was Tastefully Simple, Scentsy, wine charms made out of various items, specialty foods, contemporary jewelry, cute winter accessories, fancy housewares....I'm not convincing you, am I? Well I convinced myself and got those old, rusted crafting wheels turning. I SO badly want to quit my job and work the crafter's circuit for the rest of my life....along with owning a B&B and operating a horse rescue. Dreams.
Well anway, it was great and I highly recommend checking out your local craft shows to buy from talented vendors and small business owners. Let's keep it local, people! Screw the chain stores for gifts, how did we become a society that orders their gifts ahead of time so the surprise is totally spoiled? Or even worse, a gift card society that gets one gift card and gives another gift card, in the same transaction. Why bother buying the gift card? Just trade a $20 bill and call it a day! Bo-ring. Do we not know our friends and families well enough anymore to find something great to fit into their lives?
Ahhh, I digress. So Thirty-One has given me purpose again. I'm thinking outside the box more, putting myself out there, meeting new people and really enjoying myself. I think I would've been great in advertising and marketing, wish I'd known that sooner....oh well, in another life.
Everyone knows I repel electronics, literally. I've lost two digital cameras in bodies of water, one in an ice bucket, and two dropped on the floor. One cell phone got left at Home Depot, one fell in a toilet, my laptop has chronic screen issues....and the list could go on.
Well, it seems I'm repelling against technology these days too. Case in point: Facebook. I've been a loyal Facebooker for over 3 years now and have spent countless hours (not an exaggeration) perusing people's profiles and whatnot. Don't lie, you do it too. The mighty Facebook Gods have revamped our profiles (about 100 times) yet again and I have to say, I'm not lovin' it. Where's the frickin "dislike" button for your updates, Zuckerberg?!
There's a big bar on the side of my profile with random friends of mine, only some of which are "online" to chat so it makes no sense why they're over there, and then a FB style news ticker of *everything* my friends are doing. I mean everything. Like, I'm surprised at some point I haven't seen [Kelly has gone to the bathroom] scroll on the side of my screen. Who the crap cares what every move your friends are making?? I don't want to know what one of my friend's friends thinks about a picture a total stranger posted, full of other total strangers. And furthermore, why do I want everyone else to know what moves I'm making?! I like to Facebook stalk in peace, thank you very much ;) I know there's some random account or privacy setting hidden deep within the menu bars that will remove my actions from the news fee but you know what, I don't want to waste my time finding it!
I'm not happy with the new look of my homepage either. There's "recent stories" and "top stories" and "new top stories" and more "recent stories" and they all seem to be one in the same until you click on them and it moves you all over the homepage. Whatev. Then there's a column with "lists" (that I don't have) and "apps" (that I don't have) and "favorites" (that I don't care about). They put a "find friends" button next to my "home" button so every time I want to get back to my homepage I accidentally get a list of a million strangers I really don't care about, that Facebook thinks I should be friends with. No thanks. Plus there's all these new drop down menus with a bunch of random options like "subscribe". Subscribe to what? Do I win a Weepul if I subscribe to more friends than anyone else? Why do I need to subscribe anyway, isn't it just enough that I'm a friend??
You know what, Facebook? You're dumb. I realized a few days ago that I had 278 people whom I called "friends" and I barely speak to 10% of them. I'm bad at keeping in touch with my close friends as it is so why do I need a bunch of relative strangers inside my profile, looking at my pictures and seeing my status updates? Facebook, to me, is not a popularity contest. (Tell that to the 12 year old girls out there or the people who need over 1,000 friends to validate their self worth) Not interested. Therefore, a few days ago I started deleting friends off my Facebook account in the hopes of having a lovely list of individuals who I do actually enjoy. In doing so, I noticed I had 3 individuals who friend-ed me because I knew their friends....I had never even met these people. WTF? If you're still a Facebook friend of mine, congratulations....for now :)
I'm now down to somewhere under 170 and I'm shooting for around 100. Shit, I barely care about (nor do I have time for) keeping in touch with 100 different people. My friends know who they are, we have each others cell #s, email, they read my blog and/or I probably got together with them in at least the past 12 months. Facebook friends are like pairs of jeans, if you haven't worn them in a year because you don't really like them, it's time to get rid of them. Why do they even call them "friends"? It should be "acquaintances" or for some people, "random people you met at a bar"....I had a few of those friends.
I understand the need for technology, and subsequently not getting left in the dust without it, but I really don't want to be THAT connected. I don't want people to know what I'm doing at all hours of the day, I don't want to be reachable when I'm trying to relax at home, I don't want to have to answer to everyone, I just want to *be* sometimes. At least with face-to-face interaction I can't abbreviate the shit out of the conversation, and there's no such thing as auto correct to totally screw up the context of your sentence. What happened to good ol' fashioned conversations? I want to laugh and not have it come out "LOL"
Don't even get me started on cell phones. I don't care what the latest new gadget is because you'll just overpay for the luxury of owning it first and then in two months, it's irrelevant.....and we're not talking overpaying by $20, we're talking mini computer phones that cost as much my laptop. Does it wash the dishes and do the laundry too? Who care if you can get the internet if you need a damn magnifying glass to see the content! If you live near the mountains, like I do, you won't even get service half the time. Thanks for nothing, Verizon. Every time you drop the electronic, it breaks because it's such a piece of junk. Cracked phone screens that cost more to replace than the phone did in the first place.....highway robbery. Plus, if you didn't bring your phone charger you're just S.O.L. I can remember what life was like before cell phones....peaceful. (and teenagers were using correct English and complete sentences)
Computers are just as dumb. If you accidentally open an email with a virus, you'll spend hours trying to fix it and $$$ bringing it to Geek Squad where they'll rob you blind. When new operating systems come out, all your old programs and documents don't even work right anymore. Anti-virus protection seems to remind you to renew your subscription about 3 months after you just renewed it. Programs that run so slow you wonder if they're out back killing the cow. Internet connections that sometimes work right and sometimes don't, for no apparent reason other than the wind blowing the wrong way outside. Blue screens of death, nuff said.
Bad electronic #3: my PDA planner thingy. I know, PDAs are old-school but have you not noticed yet that I resist the technology as long as possible?? Come on, I don't even have cable! I digress. I gave the thing one year of my life, trying to get used to using a stupid little pointer thingy or my finger nail, only to realize that I hate putting events in there so instead I just try to remember the event and ultimately that's an epic fail. My short term memory is that of an Alzheimer's patient. My solution? I was at Micheals craft store the other day and I bought a good ol' fashioned paper planner for $1. Plus it's pink :)
At the end of the day, this energy draining junk is still going to be a huge part of my life so I'm going to deal with it. In the meantime, don't be surprised if you call/text and I don't answer or you suddenly find yourself no longer my Facebook friend. It's nothing personal, just me trying to simplify and get back to the more peaceful parts of life. Now stop reading, get off your computer, plug your Bose wireless headphones into your 64GB Ipod Touch, sync your music library and go take a walk!
B and I just flew back from Florida on Sunday….and boy are my arms tired! Ba dum ching!Ok, sorry, I just couldn’t resist.
Anywho, Florida did not love me.I came home with sunburn, weird scales on my face, another scabies-like rash, fire ant bites, mosquito bites, a tendonitis flare-up and a blister on my hand.All that be damned, I still loved Florida.The palm trees, the white sand, the warm sun, the old people riding around the ‘hood in golf carts….
Our gracious hosts were an awesome couple that B knew in Long Island.They worked hard their whole lives and finally retired a few years ago in a 55+ community, south of Tampa.Let me tell you about this little oasis they found:beachy little one level homes, golf course, 2 pools, fancy gym, clubhouse, library, salon, various planned activities, kayaking club, boat club, restaurant, sauna, Bocce ball court, 2 tennis courts, driving range, curling court, everyone owns a golf cart (some more tricked out than others) and its all tucked away behind gated access.It’s like Cheers, everyone knows your name….and everyone’s personal business and let me tell you, there’s a lot of d-r-a-m-a amongst the old folks.
We were there for five days and by the end of it, B and I were behaving more “retired” than the folks.We went to bed first, woke up last, wanted naps in the middle of the day and I swear I was more forgetful and harder of hearing while down there.The folks, on the other hand, were like little energizer bunnies.I swear they put uppers in the water there.Reminds me of my Ma and Pa, who have done something new to the house/yard every time I’m there, are in more clubs than a high school student, and travel more than the President.
Here’s a quick recap of our time livin’ the good life:
Day 1…introductions, catching up, drinks, golf cart guided tour of the ‘hood, all-you-can-eat sushi, drinks and some good ol’ Mexican Train.
Day 2…ocean kayaking in Lido Key, floating over an actual manatee, paddling through mangrove tunnels, a newly discovered fear of fiddler crabs (and subsequent panic attacks), a walk on the beach, a good book, candlelit dinner, snuggling by the fire….wait, I got diverted in a personals ad for a moment, back to day 2…steaks on the grill for dinner, drinks and watching baseball on the big screen.
Feel free to say, "Oooooo Ahhhhh"
Ok, who let me bring my camera onto the water again??
This is prior to discovering the fiddler crabs crawling all over the mangrove branches. You would've been grossed out too.
That little black dot to the left is a guy standing in waist deep water about 50 yards out. Awesome.
My horizon line is a little crooked but you get the idea
Day 3…boating through the river looking for gators (with no success), *This is the point where my camera battery died.I discovered, back at the house, that I had packed the wrong charger so no more pictures.Back in VA, I found out that I had the right charger with me the whole time, it was just in the only other pocket of the incredibly tiny camera case I had with me.Story of my life* coercing me to drive the boat into Tampa Bay (never having driven a boat before), avoiding the 10 million floating crab pot buoys, maneuvering around the protected Manatee water, battling the strong winds and waves, going 35mph through a pelting rain shower, arriving home alive and in one piece, drinks, relaxing in the pool, homemade pesto pasta for dinner and salad with the world’s BEST homemade Caesar dressing, more drinks.
Day 4…French toast breakfast courtesy of yours truly, hitting golf balls on the range in 30mph winds (thank goodness the wind was going sideways but it made all our shots look awful….or at least I blamed mine on the wind), playing a few rounds of Bocce ball, drinks, finally reading a few chapters in my book, drinks, fantastic Greek restaurant (complete with dancing servers, flying napkins, belly dancing, being forced to stand up in front of the whole place and dance like the belly dancer…twice…Greek music, and being told I look like Jennifer Aniston.Her ancestors are Greek, after all), drinks and a card game called Phase 5.I came in 3rd but at least I beat B.Winning!
Day 5…church with the folks, a ridiculously oversized, yet delicious, brunch and, on our way to the airport, a quick trip into the Tampa Hard Rock Casino to get my souvenir shot glass.Ok, quick is a lie.This place was a disgusting maze of slot machines, all shapes and sizes, lights flashing, bells chirping, cigarette smoke everywhere, and Florida’s finest white trash in room after room after room, until you’ve spent nearly 20 minutes getting deep enough into the place to find the Café and buy the damn $9 shot glass.By around minute 19 I was getting really agitated and ready to call in the Coast Guard.The folks, on the other hand, were all entertained and eager to play a few nickels in the hopes of striking it rich.After we all wasted some of our hard earned money *sigh* we stopped at the bar for one last drink.That place was genius at sucking you in no matter what you went in there for.
Visiting the folks made me long for the day when I can say “shove it” to working for the man and buy myself a little place in the sun….not in Florida though, I don’t want my skin to resemble leather.Retirement: only 7,800 more days to go!
