So my roommate, LL, has collected mismatched pottery for a number of years. We use the crap out of it in our apartment and man that stuff is durable! I'm typically the person who will break a glass or two per month so when I first started using her pottery (it's our daily plate/bowl/mug collection) I treated it like a newborn lamb. Now I throw it in the dishwasher, drop it in the sink and hit it against it's neighbors in the shelves quite often. She's always said it was meant to be used and if it breaks, oh well. Whatever, I've given three of her dinner plates to her as gifts so if I break something, I earned the right.
This shared (new for me) love of pottery found us both in a pottery class this fall through the local public schools. This was actually LLs second class and her goal for the end of the class was to have a few plates we could add to our collection (and a bunch of random pieces that make killer Christmas presents). My goal? To make a couple of pasta bowls for B's Florida friends that we recently visited. That's it. Two pasta bowls. Simple enough.
I quickly discovered that pottery and dental hygiene cannot exist in the same place (WAY too much stress on the same muscles and tendons and it took about three days to recover after every class) and that I definitely should not quit my day job. It should be noted that I am very critical with my art...Type-A perfectionist, blah blah blah ( LL reminded me of this approximately 34 times during our short 8 weeks). Here are my creations....er, accidents...in order from "Most Likely to Succeed" to "Take It Out Back and Shoot It":
"Manhoover" When this bowl is set in your palm , your thumb can rest in the indentation, allowing adequate manhoovering of food. This is my fave, note the Ginkgo leaf embellishment :) Still, it was supposed to be a pasta bowl.
"Nubbins" This is a tiny little bowl with two swirly nubbins, a.k.a. handles, on either end. Purely decorative in nature, a.k.a. totally useless.
"Desperate Housewives" This is my Bree bowl (get it?? haha), even though I hate Brie cheese. I asked the clay to be a pasta bowl and this is what it chose instead. Clearly a blind person was choosing the glaze because it turned out like an ugly speckled Amazon tree frog.
"Tie-Dye-Esque" See the pink and turquoise swirls? That's really the only redeeming quality of this uber small bowl. I like how the glaze turned out though so I'll let it live another day.
"Salvaged" I added the swirls on the sides because otherwise this was just one damn ugly cylinder. This was the second piece I made, one of two cylinders that were supposed to be mugs but turned into pencil holders. Parents like pencil holders for Christmas, right? It's like kindergarten art class all over again, except I'm old enough to know if they think it's crap and are just trying not to hurt my feelings.
"Shrek" This completely useless small bowl was supposed to be pink with green but the pink is hiding so instead it just looks like some kid with Bird Flu sneezed on it. I'm pretty sure it's not even sitting upright. Goodwill, anyone?
"Penny" This little penny (and not in a shiny new penny kind of way, in a dirty New York subway penny kind of way) was supposed to be rust with a pretty magenta over-glaze. Well, it just looks like rust. This was also an attempt at a pasta bowl, believe it or not.
"Homeless" This dirty-looking espresso mug monstrosity was actually praised by my pottery instructor. Clearly she was just trying to make me feel better about it. This little-mug-that-could looks like it was jumped by a gang and left in the ditch to die. Maybe if I sell this espresso mug creation to Starsux, I could be a millionaire! Or maybe not.
"Yankee" And last, but definitely ugliest, is my second pencil holder (which was also supposed to be a mug). This was a gift for B and since he loves the Yankees...don't judge...I was going to glaze it white and have blue dripping down the top....you know, what Jeter looks like when he bleeds. Well, some A-hole switched the lids on the glaze buckets and this piece was an unfortunate victim. It would've been a great gift, instead it looks like a half-toasted marshmallow. You're supposed to turn the stick for even roasting, fool!
So I think at last count I should've had three coffee mugs, three pasta bowls and three cereal bowls. Instead, I have two pencil holders, one Brie dish, one espresso mug, one cereal bowl, and four useless small bowls. Yeah, definitely not quitting my day job. One bright spot: LL got us a couple large plates and even a couple small plates to add to the collection! Huzzah!
So about a month ago, I started getting restless in Cville....sounds like a dating ad pen name. I started looking into starting a pet sitting business but, lets face it, when you're gone every other weekend that's not really going to fly. I thought about what it was that I did in Minnie to occupy my time and realized I actually had a LIFE there so that't what I decided I needed here. I needed to meet new people, one can't rely on one's roommate's friends for all things social (although I have had LOTS of fun with them these last 6 months!).
Enter: my co-worker and her purse party. Not just any purse party, a Thirty-One party. Let me explain what this is, for those of you (most of you) who don't know. Thirty-One sells purses, totes, organizational products and accessories in all sorts of cute patterns. I couldn't decide what I wanted out of the catalog so I signed up to be a consultant and figured I'd just buy myself the stuff at a discount! One month later, I'm hook, line and sinker. Call me a sucker.
Anywho, so I decided that I couldn't just leave well enough alone and carry on my merry little way hawking purses, I needed to go big or go home so I signed up for a craft show. Not any craft show but an all weekend long show, in a busy VA city. When I wasn't shopping and planning for my booth set-up, I was designing the shit out of marketing documents on Publisher. I purchased cash-and-carry items to offer, had a Christmas tree set up with small items for stocking stuffers, a drawing for a gift card, a banner made with my logo/info, gift bags put together to present as ideas for products, and the list goes on. Be amazed, be very amazed.
Show went well, got very little sleep all weekend, sold about half my cash-and-carry, placed a good order (and gave myself the free hostess benefits...wheee) and learned a lot about what people want and what draws them in or turns them off. I ended up breaking even (which was my only goal, I had no other expectations) but I met a bunch of great women and hopefully, great return customers.
The show itself was pretty wicked. When I was a little girl, my mom used to drag me to craft shows often. It was there that I think I developed my love of window shopping and all things shiny. It was not uncommon to hear "Nicole!", "Nicole!" about every 10 minutes, as I would wander off. I loved touching things (even the breakable stuff) and spending WAY too much time studying the offerings. Well, craft shows have come a long way, my friends. They are no longer fake floral arrangements, knock-off Zubaz, ugly jewelry or knit and crocheted....well, everything. There was Tastefully Simple, Scentsy, wine charms made out of various items, specialty foods, contemporary jewelry, cute winter accessories, fancy housewares....I'm not convincing you, am I? Well I convinced myself and got those old, rusted crafting wheels turning. I SO badly want to quit my job and work the crafter's circuit for the rest of my life....along with owning a B&B and operating a horse rescue. Dreams.
Well anway, it was great and I highly recommend checking out your local craft shows to buy from talented vendors and small business owners. Let's keep it local, people! Screw the chain stores for gifts, how did we become a society that orders their gifts ahead of time so the surprise is totally spoiled? Or even worse, a gift card society that gets one gift card and gives another gift card, in the same transaction. Why bother buying the gift card? Just trade a $20 bill and call it a day! Bo-ring. Do we not know our friends and families well enough anymore to find something great to fit into their lives?
Ahhh, I digress. So Thirty-One has given me purpose again. I'm thinking outside the box more, putting myself out there, meeting new people and really enjoying myself. I think I would've been great in advertising and marketing, wish I'd known that sooner....oh well, in another life.
Everyone knows I repel electronics, literally. I've lost two digital cameras in bodies of water, one in an ice bucket, and two dropped on the floor. One cell phone got left at Home Depot, one fell in a toilet, my laptop has chronic screen issues....and the list could go on.
Well, it seems I'm repelling against technology these days too. Case in point: Facebook. I've been a loyal Facebooker for over 3 years now and have spent countless hours (not an exaggeration) perusing people's profiles and whatnot. Don't lie, you do it too. The mighty Facebook Gods have revamped our profiles (about 100 times) yet again and I have to say, I'm not lovin' it. Where's the frickin "dislike" button for your updates, Zuckerberg?!
There's a big bar on the side of my profile with random friends of mine, only some of which are "online" to chat so it makes no sense why they're over there, and then a FB style news ticker of *everything* my friends are doing. I mean everything. Like, I'm surprised at some point I haven't seen [Kelly has gone to the bathroom] scroll on the side of my screen. Who the crap cares what every move your friends are making?? I don't want to know what one of my friend's friends thinks about a picture a total stranger posted, full of other total strangers. And furthermore, why do I want everyone else to know what moves I'm making?! I like to Facebook stalk in peace, thank you very much ;) I know there's some random account or privacy setting hidden deep within the menu bars that will remove my actions from the news fee but you know what, I don't want to waste my time finding it!
I'm not happy with the new look of my homepage either. There's "recent stories" and "top stories" and "new top stories" and more "recent stories" and they all seem to be one in the same until you click on them and it moves you all over the homepage. Whatev. Then there's a column with "lists" (that I don't have) and "apps" (that I don't have) and "favorites" (that I don't care about). They put a "find friends" button next to my "home" button so every time I want to get back to my homepage I accidentally get a list of a million strangers I really don't care about, that Facebook thinks I should be friends with. No thanks. Plus there's all these new drop down menus with a bunch of random options like "subscribe". Subscribe to what? Do I win a Weepul if I subscribe to more friends than anyone else? Why do I need to subscribe anyway, isn't it just enough that I'm a friend??
You know what, Facebook? You're dumb. I realized a few days ago that I had 278 people whom I called "friends" and I barely speak to 10% of them. I'm bad at keeping in touch with my close friends as it is so why do I need a bunch of relative strangers inside my profile, looking at my pictures and seeing my status updates? Facebook, to me, is not a popularity contest. (Tell that to the 12 year old girls out there or the people who need over 1,000 friends to validate their self worth) Not interested. Therefore, a few days ago I started deleting friends off my Facebook account in the hopes of having a lovely list of individuals who I do actually enjoy. In doing so, I noticed I had 3 individuals who friend-ed me because I knew their friends....I had never even met these people. WTF? If you're still a Facebook friend of mine, congratulations....for now :)
I'm now down to somewhere under 170 and I'm shooting for around 100. Shit, I barely care about (nor do I have time for) keeping in touch with 100 different people. My friends know who they are, we have each others cell #s, email, they read my blog and/or I probably got together with them in at least the past 12 months. Facebook friends are like pairs of jeans, if you haven't worn them in a year because you don't really like them, it's time to get rid of them. Why do they even call them "friends"? It should be "acquaintances" or for some people, "random people you met at a bar"....I had a few of those friends.
I understand the need for technology, and subsequently not getting left in the dust without it, but I really don't want to be THAT connected. I don't want people to know what I'm doing at all hours of the day, I don't want to be reachable when I'm trying to relax at home, I don't want to have to answer to everyone, I just want to *be* sometimes. At least with face-to-face interaction I can't abbreviate the shit out of the conversation, and there's no such thing as auto correct to totally screw up the context of your sentence. What happened to good ol' fashioned conversations? I want to laugh and not have it come out "LOL"
Don't even get me started on cell phones. I don't care what the latest new gadget is because you'll just overpay for the luxury of owning it first and then in two months, it's irrelevant.....and we're not talking overpaying by $20, we're talking mini computer phones that cost as much my laptop. Does it wash the dishes and do the laundry too? Who care if you can get the internet if you need a damn magnifying glass to see the content! If you live near the mountains, like I do, you won't even get service half the time. Thanks for nothing, Verizon. Every time you drop the electronic, it breaks because it's such a piece of junk. Cracked phone screens that cost more to replace than the phone did in the first place.....highway robbery. Plus, if you didn't bring your phone charger you're just S.O.L. I can remember what life was like before cell phones....peaceful. (and teenagers were using correct English and complete sentences)
Computers are just as dumb. If you accidentally open an email with a virus, you'll spend hours trying to fix it and $$$ bringing it to Geek Squad where they'll rob you blind. When new operating systems come out, all your old programs and documents don't even work right anymore. Anti-virus protection seems to remind you to renew your subscription about 3 months after you just renewed it. Programs that run so slow you wonder if they're out back killing the cow. Internet connections that sometimes work right and sometimes don't, for no apparent reason other than the wind blowing the wrong way outside. Blue screens of death, nuff said.
Bad electronic #3: my PDA planner thingy. I know, PDAs are old-school but have you not noticed yet that I resist the technology as long as possible?? Come on, I don't even have cable! I digress. I gave the thing one year of my life, trying to get used to using a stupid little pointer thingy or my finger nail, only to realize that I hate putting events in there so instead I just try to remember the event and ultimately that's an epic fail. My short term memory is that of an Alzheimer's patient. My solution? I was at Micheals craft store the other day and I bought a good ol' fashioned paper planner for $1. Plus it's pink :)
At the end of the day, this energy draining junk is still going to be a huge part of my life so I'm going to deal with it. In the meantime, don't be surprised if you call/text and I don't answer or you suddenly find yourself no longer my Facebook friend. It's nothing personal, just me trying to simplify and get back to the more peaceful parts of life. Now stop reading, get off your computer, plug your Bose wireless headphones into your 64GB Ipod Touch, sync your music library and go take a walk!
B and I just flew back from Florida on Sunday….and boy are my arms tired! Ba dum ching!Ok, sorry, I just couldn’t resist.
Anywho, Florida did not love me.I came home with sunburn, weird scales on my face, another scabies-like rash, fire ant bites, mosquito bites, a tendonitis flare-up and a blister on my hand.All that be damned, I still loved Florida.The palm trees, the white sand, the warm sun, the old people riding around the ‘hood in golf carts….
Our gracious hosts were an awesome couple that B knew in Long Island.They worked hard their whole lives and finally retired a few years ago in a 55+ community, south of Tampa.Let me tell you about this little oasis they found:beachy little one level homes, golf course, 2 pools, fancy gym, clubhouse, library, salon, various planned activities, kayaking club, boat club, restaurant, sauna, Bocce ball court, 2 tennis courts, driving range, curling court, everyone owns a golf cart (some more tricked out than others) and its all tucked away behind gated access.It’s like Cheers, everyone knows your name….and everyone’s personal business and let me tell you, there’s a lot of d-r-a-m-a amongst the old folks.
We were there for five days and by the end of it, B and I were behaving more “retired” than the folks.We went to bed first, woke up last, wanted naps in the middle of the day and I swear I was more forgetful and harder of hearing while down there.The folks, on the other hand, were like little energizer bunnies.I swear they put uppers in the water there.Reminds me of my Ma and Pa, who have done something new to the house/yard every time I’m there, are in more clubs than a high school student, and travel more than the President.
Here’s a quick recap of our time livin’ the good life:
Day 1…introductions, catching up, drinks, golf cart guided tour of the ‘hood, all-you-can-eat sushi, drinks and some good ol’ Mexican Train.
Day 2…ocean kayaking in Lido Key, floating over an actual manatee, paddling through mangrove tunnels, a newly discovered fear of fiddler crabs (and subsequent panic attacks), a walk on the beach, a good book, candlelit dinner, snuggling by the fire….wait, I got diverted in a personals ad for a moment, back to day 2…steaks on the grill for dinner, drinks and watching baseball on the big screen.
Feel free to say, "Oooooo Ahhhhh"
Ok, who let me bring my camera onto the water again??
This is prior to discovering the fiddler crabs crawling all over the mangrove branches. You would've been grossed out too.
That little black dot to the left is a guy standing in waist deep water about 50 yards out. Awesome.
My horizon line is a little crooked but you get the idea
Day 3…boating through the river looking for gators (with no success), *This is the point where my camera battery died.I discovered, back at the house, that I had packed the wrong charger so no more pictures.Back in VA, I found out that I had the right charger with me the whole time, it was just in the only other pocket of the incredibly tiny camera case I had with me.Story of my life* coercing me to drive the boat into Tampa Bay (never having driven a boat before), avoiding the 10 million floating crab pot buoys, maneuvering around the protected Manatee water, battling the strong winds and waves, going 35mph through a pelting rain shower, arriving home alive and in one piece, drinks, relaxing in the pool, homemade pesto pasta for dinner and salad with the world’s BEST homemade Caesar dressing, more drinks.
Day 4…French toast breakfast courtesy of yours truly, hitting golf balls on the range in 30mph winds (thank goodness the wind was going sideways but it made all our shots look awful….or at least I blamed mine on the wind), playing a few rounds of Bocce ball, drinks, finally reading a few chapters in my book, drinks, fantastic Greek restaurant (complete with dancing servers, flying napkins, belly dancing, being forced to stand up in front of the whole place and dance like the belly dancer…twice…Greek music, and being told I look like Jennifer Aniston.Her ancestors are Greek, after all), drinks and a card game called Phase 5.I came in 3rd but at least I beat B.Winning!
Visiting the folks made me long for the day when I can say “shove it” to working for the man and buy myself a little place in the sun….not in Florida though, I don’t want my skin to resemble leather.Retirement: only 7,800 more days to go!
Been the big 3-0 for an entire week now and no signs of angina, incontinence or Alzheimer's.....wait, what was it I just said?
Another seven days from now, I'll be on a plane to Florida for my first "real" vacation in.....hmmm.....I can't remember, must be the Alzheimer's. This might be the first vaca that is actually creeping up on me since I don't feel the need to say "I really need a vacation" these days.....how out of character for me! My theory is this: I still feel like I'm on a perma-vacation here! Case in point, my birthday. This birthday was epic (in the most low-key way that something could be "epic"). Here's my abbreviated rundown of the weeks (yes, I'm referring to more that a weeks) worth of activities!
Friday pre-birthday: Party at Chez LL and Nik, Italian themed potluck, cake!, wine, Mojitos and more wine
Saturday pre-birthday: The viewing of many movies (ok, the Twilight series) projected on the living room wall + leftover cake + Five Guys and all it's greasy glory
Sunday pre-birthday: A trip with LL up Carter's Mountain on a beautiful C-ville day to sip hot cider, eat apple donuts and sit on a blanket overlooking the mountains..........like lesbians. We did something else in the evening, I just can't remember. Damn Alzheimer's.
Tuesday pre-birthday: LL brought these home for my birthday enjoyment! (This was my dinner. Don't judge me, I'm old)
Birthday: Really didn't do anything besides sit at home and watch Season Premieres. You don't hear me complaining!
Thursday post-birthday: Ray LaMontagne was playing at the C-ville Pavilion! LL and I were just going to hang out on the downtown mall but a friend had an extra ticket and I was the lucky recipient!!!! Ah-mazing show. Goosebumps over and over again.
Friday post-birthday: B came down and took me to Bang! (Get your mind out of the gutter) It's an Asian inspired tapas restaurant in C-ville. Can't forget to mention the martinis!!! Y-U-M.
Saturday post-birthday: A couple good friends came down to visit and we hit up two vineyards: Afton Mountain and Pollak. Finished the evening at the Virginia Chili and Blues Festival. Best memory from that festival was not the chili, it was the amazing kettle corn we devoured on our way home afterwards!
Tuesday post-birthday (I know, I'm getting annoyed with myself too. Don't be a hater, you'll give me a bout of angina): I'm official!!!! Woo Hoo! It's gonna look so pretty on Sexy Blue :)
Happy Birthday to me! Special thanks to everyone involved in the festivities, wouldn't have been epic (in the most low-key way that something could be "epic") without you ;) Bring on the extended bday celebration in Florida! Ok, now I'm excited :)
It's time for me to come out of the closet people...I, Nicole, love the Twilight series. There, I said it, are you happy?! What adult in their right mind reads teen novels about vampires?! (I now look at the ground, tail between my legs) I wouldn't call myself hardcore, or Twitarded, but I like the movies for their mild entertainment value, am totally in love with the soundtracks, have read 2 (and 1/3) of the books and I'm pumped for the 4th movie to come out....oh the humanity!
This humiliating display started a couple years ago when I was staying at the Rindt B&B one weekend. I think I might've been drinking, or at least that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it, and Ally "forced" me to watch the first two movies. Well who wouldn't fall in love with Taylor Lautner's abs?!?! Let me go get my dirty laundry, Taylor! She caught me at a week moment and I fell, hook line and sinker. The teen angst killed me; just go have sex already!! (Another thing that kills me: The awful dialogue. I guess one can't expect much from a teen series written by a mom/housewife) Eclipse was viewed at Amanda's house during a girls night and....well....Jacob hardly wears a shirt in that movie so it won me over again! I'm such a sucker for a tall, tan, fit guy with fantastic teeth and brooding eyes (who's only 19, has long hair for the first 1 1/2 movies, and phases into a werewolf)
For many years I was doing SO well resisting the peer pressure to read the books. My friends said things like "They are soooo good" and "You won't be able to put them down". It was all over when I moved in with LL this summer. She has read the books, seen the movies, read a couple other pieces from Stephanie Meyer regarding the series, follows the blogs, reread the books, reread chapters in the books, downloaded the soundtracks and even knows all about the main actors. (Twitarded much?) Of course she owns the books and found out I had seen the movies (and enjoyed them....*shudder*) so I bought in to the mania.
Well, I could've put Twilight down (but didn't) and I could've thrown New Moon out a window (Stephanie Meyer is only an okay writer and I found myself literally dying in the first 1/3 of the book). I completely ignored Eclipse and skipped right to Breaking Dawn; I recently finished it and that one actually had some entertainment value, in my opinion. The most embarrassing part is, now I can't stop thinking about them! Remember when Friends ended? Well, this isn't nearly as significant but you get my point.
Here's how bad its gotten now: LL and I partied a little too hard last Friday and spent all day Saturday doing a Twilight movie marathon using a projector and our living room wall. So now the two of us are all geared up to see the 4th movie in November and we'll probably have a movie marathon again. What is wrong with me?! Robert Pattinson (with his chiseled jaw, musical talent and sexy hair) looks like he's constipated all the time and Kristen Stewart has an obsessive blinking problem. I think Taylor Lautner steals the show for me. Go Team Jacob!
So now the cat is out of the bag and I don't have to hide anymore. It feels like a weight has been lifted! Let's just keep this dirty little secret between you and me, okay?
PS-I also had some trouble embracing the Harry Potter thing but, thanks to LL, I've watched all the movies now (including the last one) and thoroughly enjoyed them! J.K. Rowling is clearly a MUCH better writer than Stephanie Meyer. Gotta love those Brits! I still won't touch the books. There's too many of them and I have commitment issues.
You know when people tell you to go to your happy place? (I'll be going here next time I have a kidney stone ripping through my urethra. Sorry, TMI) Well I recently had such a fantastic time at a Washington Nationals baseball game that I'm pretty sure that its become my new "happy place". The only thing that could've made that night better would've been a W-I-N, but that wasn't in the cards apparently. Oh, and if it had been the Twins at Target Field, although they're not really winning either so it's tit for tat.
B got tickets from his boss, the big wig who's airplane hangar fell in the D.C. snow storms in 2009....must be rough to be rich. The tickets come with rockstar parking in a private lot right across the street from the field. Suh-weet! This guy's season tickets are in the first row behind the National's dugout. That's right, the FIRST ROW. The section is right next to the Diamond Club (Read: Diamond Club: where the cushioned, pleather seats have the Lexus emblem embroidered on them and a complimentary waiter/waitress comes by every 10 minutes) and where the team's owner and the player's beefs (don't ask) watch the game. Yes, it's amazing.
Look Ma, It's Mr. Lerner!
We (B and I, plus 2) arrived early with buzzing excitement. There was a ridiculously long line to get in, who were all anticipating being one of the 15,000 to receive a Danny Espinosa bobblehead. We slipped in the season ticket holder entrance in under 15 seconds, and collected our Dannys.....damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
After getting our 21+ wristbands, and dropping stuff off at our ridiculous seats, we headed up to partake in the complimentary Diamond Club food and beverages. That's right, free beer and wine. Much to my surprise, there was something even more exciting waiting for me in that club.....a dessert table! Holla! (I think you're starting to understand why this is my new happy place)
We stuffed our faces, like, Thanksgiving style, double fisted the booze and rolled ourselves back down to our seats. The game was.....well, a baseball game.....with a little extra fun here and there:
Right next to the "Let's Play Ball" kid
So close you could smell them
Right after Zimmerman threw B a ball!!!
Pudge! Yeah, I dont' know who that is either.
P-I-M-P style
The new Nationals cheerleaders! God help us.
The boy and me
After several trips up to the club for more food and drinks, one caught baseball, endless laughs, 4 aching stomachs and a twinkle in our eyes, I stand behind my decision that this is my new happy place. Makes sitting further back, where the losers sit, SO unappealing ;) Special thanks to B's rich boss who owns tickets that he never uses. What do I have to do to get a job working for him???
PS- I sold my Danny bobblhead on Ebay two days later for $27!! Hell yeah!
PSS- This experience was a close 3rd in my ranking of all time best sporting experiences. #1 being my birthday last year when my neighbor and I went to a Twins game, drank in excess, hung out with some great Aussies, and the Twinkies won the game to become the 2010 Central Division Champs. #2 was sitting in the 3rd row at a Wild game with my cousin, where I was so excited I was literally shaking. Special thanks to all the individuals involved with these moments :)
Often times, when listening to someone else tell a story, it's funnier to have been there. I hope this is not one of those times for you.
LL and I had this bright idea to take Keith on a wine tour yesterday because, well, who doesn't like a wine tour?! (With almost 200 wineries in VA, there is plenty of drunk fun to be had by all) Until I start playing the lottery and hit my millions, we were working on a budget. This meant hiring Nate* (*who's name has not been changed because I don't care much about his privacy) He's a new entrepreneur in the wine tour business, was very engaging, had a sense of humor and had a background/connections in the area wine industry. Meet us on the historic downtown mall, pile us all into an air-conditioned van, 3 wineries of our choosing and then give us complimentary food, beverages, a t-shirt and a gift bag for $30/person? Score!
Here's how our afternoon ended up going:
LL, Keith, B and I were picked up at the mini-mall outside Red Robin by a timid, slightly embarrassed woman. She informed us that she'd been coerced by her boyfriend into helping Nate out because he'd overbooked the tours for the day (Strike #1) She then led us to our chariot...and by chariot I mean a '98 Ford Taurus with one hubcap, one non-working passenger door, peeling paint and a nasty chocolate-looking stain on the backseat (Strike #2....and maybe #3 too) I'll stop you before you even ask: she had left a jacket of hers on the backseat and that became the barrier between our asses and the unknown brown substance.
On the ride to the first winery, our timid "tour guide" turn into a NASCAR driver while she shuffled through printed maps to our destinations. (Strike #4) She admitted that she had no idea where we were going, asked B to help her navigate and informed us that she doesn't even like wine. (Strike #5) LL and I, packed like sardines in the backseat, were giggling like schoolgirls by this time. Keith had the "oh shit" bar firmly in his grip and B couldn't even crack a smile. Get these boys some wine! We survived the first leg and arrived at winery #1.
I'm going to exclude descriptions of the wineries because that's really not the funny part of the story :)
The trip to the next winery was short and dangerous, just what we'd come to know and love, involving only one almost collision and only a few sharp turns with excessive speeds. When we asked little miss NASCAR what was included in the complimentary (read: $30) lunch, she said, with a little chuckle, that Nate's planned lunch for us (four full grown adults) was Lunchables and applesauce. Yes, that fake meat, sodium laden, processed kindergarten lunch food and a cup of mutilated apples. (Strike #6-199)
Thank goodness winery #2 sold food. No more descriptions, I digress....
En route to winery #3 there was a U-turn and only one near death experience when our NASCAR tour guide didn't see a line of stopped cars. (But thank goodness B and Keith did and spoke up!) By this time, it was getting REAL hard to hold in the laughter between LL and I. Our driver opened up and we found out she's a single mom who doesn't like to work on weekends so she can spend time with her son (which explains the unknown brown substance). (This Strike #200 is specially reserved for Nate) We told her to take the Lunchables home to her son and she said she doesn't even feed him those. Ha!
The rest of the ride wasn't any different/better than we had previously experienced. When we were dropped off, we saw the Lunchables were out of the cooler sitting in the trunk....yeah, lets feed those to the garbage can instead. Plus there were no gift bags or t-shirts for us! I'll make the disclaimer here that I really couldn't care less about another t-shirt to put in my Goodwill pile but when you pay $30/person and get....what we got....I want my f*ing t-shirt!
That was quite possibly most hilarious experience of my life, thus far. I have new ab muscles from those 2.5 hours. Don't misinterpret though, Nate will be getting a harshly worded phone call from us. I mean, who runs a business like that?! We won't be using him again until....maybe ever......but ahhh the memories :)
So unless you lived under a rock, you knew all about Hurricane Irene and her anticipated wrath. For days they were preparing us with emails, news reports, etc. etc. and pretty much making me feel like Armageddon was coming. Being that hurricanes are unpredictable in path, there was a chance that we weren't going to get much way over here in Cville, but that didn't stop droves of shoppers from clogging the grocery stores and local establishments from offering hurricane drink specials.
Initially, they were telling us 40mph winds and approx .76" of rain around these parts. Checking out the picture below though, tells a different story. Either way, LL and I planned ahead by stocking our liquor cabinet and collecting batteries....that's was about it. Our friend Keith is in town for the week so we were sorta looking forward to being stuck inside, actually!
Here's how our day/night went: cloud cover on Saturday morning was a sure sign Irene was rearing her ugly head. Light, sporadic rain showers started by around noon, cancelling our plans to visit the farmers market. Heavier rains came in a little sideways around the time we were buying chocolaty goodness from the bakery but were all done by the time we were done with our pedicures. Light rain showers with a little wind escorted us to Mas where we had a DELICIOUS dinner of tapas and martinis, followed with goat cheese cheesecake. Y-U-M. It was pretty still and only slightly drizzly when we moved on to Beer Run where I actually drank a beer! I know, shocking. By the time we were on our way home, there was no rain, barely any wind and I gotta say, I was a little disappointed. I woke up this morning to blue skies and sunshine. I couldn't believe it, blue skies and sunshine! I was all excited for some hurricane action over in these here parts and I got nothin'!
Now, I do realize many closer to the coast were hit hard and are dealing with some damages so I'm not trying to trivialize their dilemmas. I'm a big storm junkie and just wanted to say I experienced a hurricane, since ever so recently I checked off "earthquake" on my list of things to do before I die.
Here's a couple pictures for your viewing pleasure:
LL, Keith, Me and B at Mas, the areas best tapas restaurant and one of my favorite places to eat
The GME crew, back together again! Reunited and it feels so good.....
