I can't wait to retire!

B and I just flew back from Florida on Sunday….and boy are my arms tired! Ba dum ching!  Ok, sorry, I just couldn’t resist. 

Anywho, Florida did not love me.  I came home with sunburn, weird scales on my face, another scabies-like rash, fire ant bites, mosquito bites, a tendonitis flare-up and a blister on my hand.  All that be damned, I still loved Florida.  The palm trees, the white sand, the warm sun, the old people riding around the ‘hood in golf carts….

Our gracious hosts were an awesome couple that B knew in Long Island.  They worked hard their whole lives and finally retired a few years ago in a 55+ community, south of Tampa.  Let me tell you about this little oasis they found:  beachy little one level homes, golf course, 2 pools, fancy gym, clubhouse, library, salon, various planned activities, kayaking club, boat club, restaurant, sauna, Bocce ball court, 2 tennis courts, driving range, curling court, everyone owns a golf cart (some more tricked out than others) and its all tucked away behind gated access.  It’s like Cheers, everyone knows your name….and everyone’s personal business and let me tell you, there’s a lot of d-r-a-m-a amongst the old folks.

We were there for five days and by the end of it, B and I were behaving more “retired” than the folks.  We went to bed first, woke up last, wanted naps in the middle of the day and I swear I was more forgetful and harder of hearing while down there.  The folks, on the other hand, were like little energizer bunnies.  I swear they put uppers in the water there.  Reminds me of my Ma and Pa, who have done something new to the house/yard every time I’m there, are in more clubs than a high school student, and travel more than the President.

Here’s a quick recap of our time livin’ the good life:

Day 1…introductions, catching up, drinks, golf cart guided tour of the ‘hood, all-you-can-eat sushi, drinks and some good ol’ Mexican Train.

Day 2…ocean kayaking in Lido Key, floating over an actual manatee, paddling through mangrove tunnels, a newly discovered fear of fiddler crabs (and subsequent panic attacks), a walk on the beach, a good book, candlelit dinner, snuggling by the fire….wait, I got diverted in a personals ad for a moment, back to day 2…steaks on the grill for dinner, drinks and watching baseball on the big screen.

Feel free to say, "Oooooo Ahhhhh"

Ok, who let me bring my camera onto the water again??

This is prior to discovering the fiddler crabs crawling all over the mangrove branches.  You would've been grossed out too.

That little black dot to the left is a guy standing in waist deep water about 50 yards out.  Awesome.

My horizon line is a little crooked but you get the idea

Day 3…boating through the river looking for gators (with no success), *This is the point where my camera battery died.  I discovered, back at the house, that I had packed the wrong charger so no more pictures.  Back in VA, I found out that I had the right charger with me the whole time, it was just in the only other pocket of the incredibly tiny camera case I had with me.  Story of my life* coercing me to drive the boat into Tampa Bay (never having driven a boat before), avoiding the 10 million floating crab pot buoys, maneuvering around the protected Manatee water, battling the strong winds and waves, going 35mph through a pelting rain shower, arriving home alive and in one piece, drinks, relaxing in the pool, homemade pesto pasta for dinner and salad with the world’s BEST homemade Caesar dressing, more drinks.

Day 4…French toast breakfast courtesy of yours truly, hitting golf balls on the range in 30mph winds (thank goodness the wind was going sideways but it made all our shots look awful….or at least I blamed mine on the wind), playing a few rounds of Bocce ball, drinks, finally reading a few chapters in my book, drinks, fantastic Greek restaurant (complete with dancing servers, flying napkins, belly dancing, being forced to stand up in front of the whole place and dance like the belly dancer…twice…Greek music, and being told I look like Jennifer Aniston.  Her ancestors are Greek, after all), drinks and a card game called Phase 5.  I came in 3^rd but at least I beat B.  Winning!

Day 5…church with the folks, a ridiculously oversized, yet delicious, brunch and, on our way to the airport, a quick trip into the Tampa Hard Rock Casino to get my souvenir shot glass.  Ok, quick is a lie.  This place was a disgusting maze of slot machines, all shapes and sizes, lights flashing, bells chirping, cigarette smoke everywhere, and Florida’s finest white trash in room after room after room, until you’ve spent nearly 20 minutes getting deep enough into the place to find the Café and buy the damn $9 shot glass.  By around minute 19 I was getting really agitated and ready to call in the Coast Guard.  The folks, on the other hand, were all entertained and eager to play a few nickels in the hopes of striking it rich.  After we all wasted some of our hard earned money *sigh* we stopped at the bar for one last drink.  That place was genius at sucking you in no matter what you went in there for.

Visiting the folks made me long for the day when I can say “shove it” to working for the man and buy myself a little place in the sun….not in Florida though, I don’t want my skin to resemble leather.  Retirement: only 7,800 more days to go!